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The Warrior Princess

February 1, 2019

There’s nobody living your life other than you. Now you’d tell me, what an obvious statement! But in today’s times when we all live a curated reality based on what looks good behind a camera lens, we’re far from living just one life. And to be honest, I never liked the way I looked! Too much fat, wry skin and messy eyebrows in a world where everyone looked like they came out of a photo shoot! Enough to give a girl in her teen's body image issues and insecurity. I felt depressed, did not have the will to live this life that I was blessed with. Every time I looked at a perfect girl, I’d curse myself and god and the world and everyone around me.

 

Unknowingly, I had started fat-shaming myself and felt ugly all the time. No amount of makeup made me feel as pretty as the girl next door. And so reeling deep into depression, I started believing that I would never amount to anything or be anyone. And I’d do everything to get the male attention because this is what we as women do, run to a man for validation. If a man thinks I’m pretty, then I’m pretty. I had created an illusion for myself and was ready to live this lie for the rest of my life!

But something happened, heartbreak to be specific when I decided to take the reins of my life into my own hands. I started working out, eating healthy and tried all the tricks that people around me told. In a couple of months, I could see a change in my body. For the first time in my entire life, I didn’t hate what I saw in the mirror. Maybe this is what self-validation felt like. It felt wonderful and content. On that note, I started working harder towards my goal, wanting to get fitter. Who doesn’t want abs, am I right?

 

But by a turn of events, I got diagnosed with Thyroid which is very common among women these days, but I still couldn’t process it. All the repressed anger and emotions from all these years came out and I broke down. Now I had an excuse, I could blame my ugliness on Thyroid. I was so agitated and alone, I remember lashing out on my mother for being ignorant, for sidelining all the symptoms assuming it was acceptable teenage behavior. I spiraled back into depression, and this time it hit hard!

 

But you should know something about me, I’m a fucking warrior.

 

And so I woke up one morning, went to the gym and got my life back on track. I don’t know how I did it, or where I received the strength from but I never looked back! I can’t say I’m rid of the disease as of yet, but I surely have beaten my own TSH levels with just one month of determination.

I really wish it ended there, my own happily ever after but life rarely has fairy tale endings. The problem with being a warrior is that you fight till your last breath. And the downside is that I overexerted myself, worked out too much, ate little and broke down my own core. And this is something that I had to take responsibility for, I had to own up to my mistakes.

 

And girls, this is not some motivational story which will suddenly change your life. I’m just here to tell you that, it’s not just you, that I’m here with you and that I have been through the same things. I made a pile of mistakes, I hope you don’t and even if you do, always remember the warrior princess within you.

 

And always remember:  You are not alone women 

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